I picked up this book because I'm feeling that I could use a few more friends in my life. My best friend since high school is across the country these days, none of my three sisters live especially close by, and I don't work in a large company where I could go out with co-workers. My husband is the pastor of our church so while I am close with many people there, thing tend to be a bit more complicated. Our neighborhood has a lot of older teachers with grown children and I have an eight year old and a two year old. I'm also an introvert, so the idea of chatting up total strangers tends to give me a bit of anxiety.
Reading MWF Seeking BFF was reassuring for me as Bertsche confirmed that I am not the only one who gets a little jealous when I read about people calling friends over for a spur of the moment visit. Making friends as an adult is much harder than it was when I was in kindergarten and asked the girl at the next cubby if she wanted to be my friend.
It also confirmed something I dread as an introvert. To make new friends, you really have to put yourself out there again and again. Some people will not want your friendship and some people won't click with you. But on occasion, the woman you chat with at the indoor playground will offer to exchange numbers (true story; this happened the other week). So I'm going to do my introvert best. I'm going to try to talk to more people. I'm going to see if taking a class or pursuing a new interest will lead to some new friends in my life.
Bertsche has a very easy conversational writing style and I think she hits a great balance between her own experiences and sharing some research about the benefits of friendship. However, there is a point about halfway through the book when she has met a lot of new people and is finding that her schedule is almost insanely full. For the second half, it feels much more like a stunt memoir where the author has to go on a certain number of outings with potential new friends, even though she has no more time or attention to give them.
Making friends as an adult is difficult. Free time is precious and it's hard to know who is interested in starting up a new relationship. Reading a book like MWF Seeking BFF can certainly give us all some ideas for making new friends and encourage us that we are not alone in needing a friend or two.
MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search For A New Best Friend
By Rachel Bertsche
Ballantine Books December 2011
349 pages
From the library
Hmm.. this is very interesting!! As someone who moved, with my husband, to Chicago fairly recently and doesn't really know anyone I can relate. I actually just signed up for several book clubs because I've come to the realization that I need to make friends to survive here any longer! I'll definitely be checking this one out. As you said, it really is difficult to find friends as you get older, and not feel like you're the only one dealing with it. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteBook clubs are a great idea. I think I'm going to try to find one near me. I would love to make some new bookish friends and books clubs sound so fun.
DeleteMaking really good friends that you can hang out with and confide in, and go do stuff with as a grown-up is hard! I think it's because we're all so busy and pulled in so many directions. But I miss the close friendships I used to have when I was younger. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's so true. I miss college sometimes just because you had so many friends right down the hall.
DeleteYour review is so nice and honest! I also feel that it does become more difficult to make good friends as we grow older. My two best friends have been there for 20 years and I have a couple of really great other friends as well. Hope the rest of your week will be good.
ReplyDeleteIn the book, the author actually presents some research about different kinds of friends and how/why we don't necessarily have to see our long-term friends often. We have the familiarity and history to just pick up right where we left off!
DeleteI would definitely take advantage of meeting the other parents at your kids' activities. That is where I have met most of my current friends. I agree it is tough though, especially as an introvert where just putting yourself out there to try to chat someone one for the first time can be exhausting. Hang in there though. All it takes is one conversation to spark a friendship.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle! Now that the older one is back in school, I need to start finding some more places to take the little one during the day.
DeleteI really enjoyed this and should maybe revisit it, because I'm also at a point where I'd like to make some more friends. I feel as though I'd just settled in and made some good friends myself, as well as some good couple friends whose company my husband and I enjoyed, when we moved across the country.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in this topic too. I feel as though I've made many new friends through blogging - but most of them are located too far away to see in person. I'd love to join a local book club but haven't found one that fits my schedule yet. I'd like to see what other ideas were explored in the book.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy when you move as an adult. After 8 yrs I have a number of friends to chat & coffee with, but no bestie. There's something about history with people that simply takes time.
ReplyDeleteYour post has prompted me to look into some day courses for cooking, cheese making etc that if nothing else will leave me with a great new skill :-)